Today is Sunday and my room is a mess. All the things, clothes and books lay everywhere in the room. I need to clean my room and give it a new look. The monstrous and messy conditions remind me of the torturous exam times.
The room is as clean as it could be. Everything is in its own place. Clothes are in the almirah, books in the rack. I removed all the spiders, flies and other insects (I have entomophobia). I washed all my clothes and bathed too. A new look to the room one which I had forgotten for so long. I deserve to be happy but I am not. Something is there making a lump in my throat. I don’t know what it is. It has been consistent with me. Something is bothering me. I cleaned the room, washed the clothes and cleared the mess thinking it would help like always.
I decide to take a nap as a new song starts on the radio. I’m not able to sleep. I am afraid. Afraid what my future holds for me. Afraid of losing out. I feel bad and stressed out. My stomach is upset and the appetite is gone. I need to tackle this ASAP before I get too depressed.
As I try to reach out for my anti-depressant tablet strip I see a spider. Black with some 10 to 12 white dots on his back. The size of a pea, this insect had escaped the wrath of my cleanliness. I had already destroyed his home, and he was lost on the opposite side of the room from his original destination. This little fellow didn’t know the catastrophe he had just undergone by. All his family members were wiped away from the room and there wasn’t one spider web present in the room. He had no family members and no home. He had more problems in life than I have in my life. In fact my problems seem nothing in front of the problem this tiny creature faces.
He is on his journey. The wall of the room is as fine as it could be. This seems like a herculean, if not impossible, task for him. He swings left and right moving forward 3 to 4 steps, but loses his balance and falls down 5 to 6 steps when he holds on to the wall by his tiny ugly leg. Despite all his efforts he is going backwards. He pauses for a long time and then advances forward. This time going with an angle but can’t grasp the wall well. He sways left and right, about to fall but doesn’t. How on earth is he able to hold on to the surface with his weak legs?
I blow my breath on the spider and watch him go down. But what is it? He is hanging by an invisible thread. He oscillates to left and right till he comes to the neutral point. He loses all of his advancements for last 30 minutes. He is down to where he started. I feel guilty. All of his efforts nullified just because I wanted to have some fun. But he is undeterred. Unbeknownst to his surroundings he starts again. This time with more zeal and energy. He can keep himself encouraged. Doesn’t he run out of energy? He has had nothing for last 1 hour and this journey has had a toll on his energy resources.
He moves forward 3 to 4 steps again before he loses his balance. But holds onto the wall. He composes himself and strikes his front legs on the wall as if he is cursing himself for the lapse in concentration he just had. He starts again and moves forward some 20 steps (4 to 5 cm in our distance terms) but re-composes himself lest he should fall again.
He struggles to hold on, the surface is slippery, and he is hungry as of now. He changes his direction. Where is he going? Has he lost his senses? He is compromising all his advancements. He takes a right turn towards the window. Stops for a long time and moves in the left direction. He is now in the original direction albeit lagging where he was some 10 minutes ago.
Wow! This spider is a goddamn genius. He used the window as a support and is moving upwards going from wall to the window and window to wall. Son of a genius! How did he sort this all out? As far as I can see his head is smaller than the ball of my pen. And kudos to his GPS system. Never lost his direction despite falling so many times and taking so many turns in various directions. He is advancing to his original home place. He pauses and composes himself again, assessing the situation and re-framing the strategies to go forward with. He is now heading towards his destination.
The spider may not know about the fate of his home but it will not discourage him. It will be a new challenge instead. Right now he is concentrated on his journey and I am sure he will make it. I smile and clap for my little friend. He taught me a lesson today. The reason for me being afraid seem nothing to what the spider had to face. He overcame all of his fears and is about to accomplish his success. He has many more challenges ahead but I am sure he will compose himself and face the life with a beaming smile. Unike me he will never search for any antidepressants.
The lump in my throat is gone. And I feel famished. I will have lunch while thanking my little friend for the big lessons he taught me today.
As I type this article in WordPress app, my friend is busy weaving his new home and I am in a better headspace than I was in the morning.
P.S 1: a true story.
P.S 2: Tell me your thoughts in the comment section.